A healthy sense of self-worth requires us to understand our inherent value. We can build up our self worth with practices such as gratitude, self care, and resisting comparison. These are the key takeaways from a recent Helping Hands panel discussion with founding board member of RUOK? Graeme Cowan, psychologist Collett Smart, and disability parenting advocate Hannah Gair.
If your sense of self-worth has been damaged, the good news is that it can be rebuilt, through some simple daily practices.
This is the big take-home from a conversation with RUOK? founding board member Graeme Cowan, psychologist Collett Smart, and podcaster Hannah Gair when talking about how we can best understand our self-worth.
1 – Treat Yourself As You Would Treat a Friend
Having self-worth is not about being self-absorbed, selfish or narcissistic, says Graeme. It’s “believing in your inherent value, and knowing that you’re ‘okay’, regardless of your achievements.”
It’s also about compassion: “Talking to ourselves how we talk to a friend if they're going through similar circumstances”, or, as Collett Smart adds, “Seeing yourself in the way that someone who deeply loves you would see you.”
2 – Practise Self-Care
Graeme, who has written a number of books on mental heath and delivered hundreds of keynote addresses, says a damaged self-worth can be rebuilt, starting with self care.
“Self care isn't selfish,” says Graeme. “If we don't have fuel in our own tank, we can't help other people. [Self care is] doing things which are good for our physical health, like good exercise, good sleep, intimacy; our emotional health; and our prosperity, which is what I call ‘career wellbeing’, where we have a sense of purpose.”
3 – Choose Gratitude
All three panelists include gratitude as one way of showing our self-worth. Research shows that gratitude creates healthy new pathways in the brain.
“Writing down three things each day you're grateful for could have a sustained impact and benefit to our self worth,” says Graeme.
Hannah Gair, host of the StrongHERside podcast for mothers of children with disabilities, says gratitude can particularly help those whose sense of identity has been buried by life’s challenges.
4 – Focus on Strengths, Not Failures
A focus on failure will quickly erode how you feel about yourself. Instead, build your sense of worth by focusing on your strengths says Hannah.
“We all have failures,” says Collett. “I think it's about looking at, what are the strengths that I've been given, that I can use to bring joy into my life, and others. Often, when we build others up, or we give to communities, that’s actually when we see our own self worth improve.”
5 – Resist Comparison
Hannah’s strong advice is to “stop the comparison game.”
“When we are practicing comparison, we're telling ourselves that we aren't enough,” she says. “Replace it with the truth to say, in fact, we actually are enough.”
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