“What does a good fit look like in community? Just like a good shoe,” says Raewyn Elsegood.
Raewyn is a sports chaplain and a panellist on this episode of Helping Hands. She joins psychologist, Collett Smart; and teacher, Rod Braine, to discuss what it looks like to find and live in healthy community.
Raewyn’s analogy is surprisingly helpful for anyone hoping to find the kind of community they know they will be happy to be a part of. Just like a good shoe, Raewyn explains, the right community should be one that is supportive and equips you to move in the right direction. You may need to try a few, but when you find the right one, you feel safe and know you belong.
And finding community, says Collett, can sometimes mean creating the type of community that you want to be a part of.
“It’s not about sitting, waiting for people to find you … A community can be as (few) as three people. As soon as you’ve got more than two, I think you’re a community … We’re made for relationships and there will be other people who are seeking community.”
As we grow and change, adds Collett, so our best fit for community may grow and change, too, creating the necessity to find or create a new community in which we feel we belong.
“When (we) finish university and start working, when we have babies, or when we get married, or when we are separated – a lot of those transition times can really upend our communities that we had before … It’s OK to try a few until you find the one that’s right for you.”
There are plentiful and diverse opportunities to discover or create your best community, whether that’s online or in person and at any stage of life.
In Rod’s experience as a secondary school teacher, he sees society’s diversity of opportunity reflected within the school environment. Students and staff embrace and facilitate a plethora of community choices. And their importance, he says, shouldn’t be underestimated. Community is an effective tool to combat the anxiety and loneliness many young people face.
“My advice to parents with kids that are struggling is that they actually have three very distinct communities. It might be school, it might be sport and it might be a youth group … if you have a bit of a problem and there’s conflict (within one community) … then you’ve got two alternatives that are going to help support.”
Reflecting further on that scenario, it is also possible, Collett adds, for us to outgrow a community that once fit us well.
How will we know when it’s time to move on?
“An unhealthy community would be one where you don’t feel accepted anymore for who you are, or your interests do change, or your values do change. It’s OK to feel like you do need to move communities at different periods of your life.”
Whatever community you decide is best for you, our panellists agree that a healthy community is one in which you feel safe and supported, and equipped to help other members feel the same way.
See the LIVING IN COMMUNITY discussion and the full catalogue of Helping Hands panels at helpinghands.tv. Catch up on full episodes of Helping Hands on 9NOW.
