Supporting others to live their best lives doesn't require perfection – it requires presence, authenticity, and the courage to sit with pain.
This week, we explore what it means to help others thrive with Wayside Chapel CEO Jon Owen, chaplain and author Raewyn Elsegood, and i4Give co-founder and prison chaplain Danny Abdallah talking about how we can help people to live their best lives.
Ask, Listen, Encourage, Check In
Raewyn Elsegood strives to bring joy to hard places. As a chaplain, her approach is simple but profound: turn up and be present. She uses the R U OK? framework for effective conversations – ask, listen, encourage, check in – as a practical way we can support the people around us.
Raewyn also talks about the importance of being kind, and the power of listening well. She says it’s important to listen well to our friends and also to our family members.
She shares that her children say she was at her best as a parent when she didn't tell them what to do, but showed up and listened to them instead.
“Sometimes the most valuable thing we can do is sit on the end of someone's bed and simply be present, saying nothing at all,” says Raewyn.
"Imagine if we could all do that all the time," she says. "Impossible, but we can all try."
Turn Pain into Purpose
Danny brings a perspective forged through unimaginable loss. Having lost three children and niece at the hands of a drunk driver, his approach to helping others centres on presence and patience.
Danny quietly shows up for grieving fathers in his community, waiting until after the shock subsides before having coffee with them and simply listening.
"When you're too positive, you're actually being negative," Danny explains. "You've got to just sometimes sit in the pain. And I think once you get into that pain, you sit in it long enough, you feel this peace that's like no other when you're coming out of it."
Through his work as a prison chaplain and the Forgiveness Project he's helped develop, Danny helps inmates understand the power of forgiveness – both of others and themselves.
During the program, Danny’s story is shared with groups of 50 to 60 men, then they break into smaller groups with forgiveness coaches. The goal is to help men understand the importance of forgiveness, and to break the cycle of reoffending.
Be the Imperfect Companion
Jon challenges the notion that we need to have it all together before we can help others. In fact, he sees that expectation as a delay tactic. He says that what matters isn't perfection but authenticity.
"Instead of saying 'be strong', I say my focus is on being a tower of weakness for others," Jon explains.
"Sometimes the best behaviour you can model is surviving [and] to remind people that the sun will rise the next day."
At Wayside Chapel and in his personal approach, Jon emphasises the power of proximity and following through on commitments. If he says he'll call someone every day for two weeks, he does – whether they answer or not. That missed call becomes a reminder that someone is thinking of them in the chaos.
Raewyn perhaps says it best when describing what living your best life looks like: having no expectations of anyone or anything. It's about letting go of control and valuing what we have. Through presence, authentic connection, and the courage to accompany others through darkness, we can help each other find our way.
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