Listening and believing a victim’s story, respecting their choices, and offering practical help, could be the lifeline that helps someone break free from domestic violence. That’s the advice of Helping Hands panellists Lilly McKeich (Salvation Army National Domestic and Family Violence Specialist); Stacy Jane (Escabags founder and survivor); and Dave Kramer (founder of the HALT Program).
When it comes to breaking the cycle of domestic and family violence, small acts of support make a powerful difference.
Simply listening and believing a victim’s story, and offering practical help, could be the lifeline that helps someone break free — even saving their life.
That was the advice of our three panellists on Helping Hands, when discussing how we can all help to meet the needs of victims of domestic violence.
Lilly McKeich is a National Domestic and Family Violence Specialist with the Salvation Army, which helps more than 10,000 people a year in situations of violence.
Lilly says that what victims need most, is to be heard.
“The most powerful thing you can do is definitely listen and believe someone,” she says. “[Because] situations of abuse are so often characterised by silencing and by isolation.”
It’s also vital to respect a victim’s choices, rather than ‘taking charge’.
“Don't try to rescue someone [or] try to engage the [perpetrator],” says Lilly. “Respect that someone is an expert in their own situation…don’t interrogate them or tell them to leave or anything like that. You can support someone to access a service. Small acts like that can be a real game changer.”
Halting Disrespect Before it Becomes Violent
Working to bring change from another angle is Dave Kramer, ambassador for Small Steps for Hannah. Dave founded the HALT Program, which teaches high-school students about respectful relationships. He’s on a mission to stop disrespect in its tracks.
“Our prevention programs are about the context around violence,” Dave says.
“[We teach people that] we can actually show up as friends, family members, colleagues or even peers in school. [We can] show up at that point of disrespect, and prevent it from getting to the point of abuse.”
The Power of an Act of Kindness
Stacy Jane is a domestic abuse survivor. She fled her partner in the UK, and was brutally attacked when trying to retrieve personal belongings from her home.
She later established Escabags: an Australian charity that provides free escape bags for abuse victims.
“We know that the most lethal time is when a victim is trying to escape, because the perpetrator knows that they've lost all control,” Stacy explains. “[Escabags provides] that practical solution… so that they don't have to go back into the family home.”
What finally helped Stacy to leave her partner, was the kindness of friends who were willing to listen and support.
“Those people would have been well within their right to say, ‘it's none of our business’… however [they didn’t]. My story is about the power of a random act of kindness… and the ripple effect that that can then go on to have.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or distress, please call 1800 RESPECT, or Lifeline: 13 11 14.
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