“Community is at the core of who we are,” says sports chaplain, Raewyn Elsegood. “For me, it starts with home and family and then it edges out to what I’m most passionate about.”
Raewyn is joined for this Helping Hands panel discussion by psychologist, Collett Smart, and teacher, Rod Braine, to discuss what a caring community looks like and how we can identify and create the kind of community we want to belong to.
For Raewyn, the communities in which she feels most cared for are those connected to her chaplaincy work and her love of writing. When in those communities, she feels trust, experiences the support she needs to get through the hard times of life, and can have a good laugh.
While there is no one formula to suit every person’s definition of a caring community, Collett shares wisdom from author and podcaster, Harlan Cohen, Giving a simple method with which any person can find a caring community to match his or her individual needs.
“He’s an author and does a lot of work with American college students. He says, if you feel like you’re not in a community, go find places where you can sweat, pray, play, love and live.”
These are simple keys, adds Collett, to successfully finding community in places and with the people to whom we feel we best belong and share a common interest.
In the search for a caring community, our panellists agree on the importance of keeping an open mind. We should be prepared to think outside the box of assumed expectations of what a caring community might look like.
Rod describes the school environment he teaches in as a miniature reflection of society at large. It represents a melting pot of ages, interests, nationalities, cultures and personalities. Rod has often been surprised to observe healthy and caring community flourishing in unexpected ways.
“We’ve got four-year-olds, but we’ve also got a ninety-four-year-old gentleman by the name of Bob who comes in and does gardening … You’ve got ninety years between the two of them and they connect … over shared values, mutual respect and genuine goodwill between them.”
Every interaction, Rod says, is an opportunity to share such values, to create a bond and a connection with others that, if fostered further over time, can create lasting and meaningful community.
Sometimes, community that is initially fostered through common interests or shared circumstances can transform into relationships that last long after we’ve moved on from that interest or stage of life. In Raewyn’s experience, this is because the people with whom we’ve bonded continue to meet our need to belong, to feel safe and supported in life.
But what should we do if the communities we’re a part of no longer care for us in ways that meet our needs?
Collett says the answer lies in giving ourselves permission to move on.
“I think very often we can feel sad and lonely and that can be very painful, but we can’t wait for community to come and knock on our door. Very often we have to be giving out and going to find community, or creating community, because there are other lonely people out there too.”
See the CREATING CARING COMMUNITIES discussion and the full catalogue of Helping Hands panels at helpinghands.tv. Catch up on full episodes of Helping Hands on 9NOW.
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* Our panellists, Raewyn Elsegood, Collett Smart and Rod Braine, and the Helping Hands producers are available for interview on radio, TV and online to discuss this topic. Get in touch at helpinghands.tv/contact/
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